


Chartreuse

by Greenninjagal



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dee is the light green side au, Dee splitting the mindscape, Remember that headcannon where Dee's hat rigs votes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, and they don't really get along, bullet point fic, they're all kids, yeah that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenninjagal/pseuds/Greenninjagal
Summary: The end of the world starts when Thomas is twelve and only Dee seems to notice it.***aka Self Preservation’s name is Dee. His color is light green. And he’ll do anything for the sake of Thomas. (So maybe that’s why he doesn’t stay chartreuse)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75





	Chartreuse

  * The end of the world starts when Thomas is twelve and _only Dee seems to notice it._
  * The rules Thomas’s mother made suck _balls._ They don’t make sense and they stop him from doing the things he wants to do. Dee wants to push them, wants to break them, wants to see how far Thomas’s mother is willing to go in order to uphold these stupid dumb rules of hers
  * But if he keeps pushing, breaking, testing Thomas is going to get hurt.
  * He’s already hurt
  * Already sent to his room for the night, curled up under his blankets with stupid dumb angry tears on his face and he can’t get them to stop because its not _fair_ that his brother gets to stay up later and go out more and Thomas has to stay here in the house when his friends are going play paintball or the movies or the arcade without him.


  * (And Dee knows the subconscious thoughts Thomas has been having about that. He’s kept them back so far, but there’s only oh so much he can do when Virgil starts grinning and flicks his tongue: _what if they forget about you, while they're out have so much fun? What if they get into a car crash and they all die and leave you alone? What if they stop inviting you out---)_
  * _(_ Or when Remus’s eyes light up and he spouts out the first thing he can think of: _Kiss Kaylee’s boyfriend! Jump from the moving car! Throw Mom’s plate on the floor!_ _)_
  * This is going to ruin Thomas, Dee thinks
  * as he watches the Mindscape fall apart, fall into tatters, shatter like glass on Thomas’s psyche. 
  * He can see the cracks in the walls now, creeping upwards and outwards with a terrifying _crrreeaaakk_ every few minutes. All the walls have them now, and Dee gets nervous standing in one place for too long once he saw the way the floor was.
  * Any moment, any second, any breath now
  * the walls that were holding Thomas together were going to break
  * and Dee wasn’t sure that all of the sides were going to make it when they did.
  * A plan, a plan. He needs a plan.
  * Its a bad plan.
  * But when he hears Virgil tell Logan **where he can stuff his rules--**
  * But when he sees Remus’s mace get lodged in the floor after narrowly missing Roman again--
  * But when he smells smoke in the kitchen again and again and again and Patton pretends he doesn’t--
  * But when he’s standing in the middle of the chaos feeling how much this is hurting Thomas, his host, his life, Dee knows this is the only plan they’ve got.
  * Like duck tape on a window, a temporary solution. That will get Thomas past his Thirteenth birthday and maybe long enough to see his twenties without going insane.
  * “Patton,” He says, rubbing an itch from his eye, “Thomas is going to be hurt if we keep this up.”
  * “Hmm?” Patton says with a strained smile, “Don’t be silly Dee! Everything is going completely fine!”
  * There’s a crack in the wall behind them. Its two inches longer now, stretching for the ceiling, for the light.
  * In the background Roman’s sword collides with Remus’s morning star with a sharp distressing trill. Logan’s voice keeps breaking embarrassingly and Virgil’s laughing nastily about it.
  * Its not fine.
  * “You know I’m right,” Dee says, “If they keep fighting-- if Virgil and Remus don’t stop antagonizing--”
  * Dee is Self Preservation. He knows this stuff.
  * But Patton isn’t looking at him, isn’t listening to him, isn’t doing anything. He’s just washing dishes, with a sink of soapy water and a sponge and a faucet running so hot Dee can see the steam. The kitchen smells like smoke again.
  * “Patton,” Dee says.
  * There’s a crash and a scream behind them. Dee doesn’t know who it is. He’s scared to find out.
  * “Patton! Listen to me! We have to do something about this!”
  * WE, We, we
  * Because if it was just him no one else would listen. The idea has to come from both of them. The idea has to be an agreement, a compromise, an equal bargain.
  * It has to be _right_ and _fair._
  * They are the leaders here: Morality who always did the right thing, and Self Preservation who always did what was in the best interest.
  * “Stop ignoring me!” Dee snaps at Patton, “You are hurting Thomas! Morality! Morality look at--”
  * _\--Me._
  * Because Patton _is_ looking at him all of a sudden. His hands still in that burning boiling bubbling water, tears down his face, smile on his lips. He’s staring at Dee like its just the two of them left in the Mindscape, in the world, in the universe and it makes Dee’s skin blister and itch and scream.
  * “Yeah Dee?” Patton says softly. Dee shouldn’t be able to hear it with the screaming behind them, the crashing of the furniture, the breaking of the walls, the sound of the running water, but he does anyway. “I’m looking. I’m _Looking_ and I don’t like what I’m seeing! I don’t know what you want me to do about this! What--what can we do about this?”
  * Patton’s smile is a knife.
  * Dee takes it and plunges it into himself anyway.
  * “We have to split the Mindscape.”
  * Dee’s voice is a death sentence.
  * Patton breathes through it, after it, for it. 
  * Dee thinks just a bit traitorously, that Morality had had the thought first, and just been waiting for Dee to say it out loud.
  * “We’ll draw names,” Dee explains to the group “Three of us will go, the others will stay and become Thomas’s core.”
  * “Wh **at?”** Virgil scoffs, “ **No way! What if you rig the vote? what if the ones that stay make it _worse_?”**
  * “But that will be so much fun!” Remus counters!! “With Roman out of the way I’m free to bring all my creations to life!”
  * “Wh-Absolutely not, you fiend!” Roman screams, stamping his foot, “Patton tell him we can’t do this! He’ll ruin everything I’ve done for Thomas!”
  * But Patton doesn’t say anything. 
  * “Logically speaking--”
  * “Shut up, Bore-ius!” Roman yells, like a child. “I don’t want to go! I don’t want to give up my place in Thomas! Its _my place!”_
  * “It’s not forever,” Dee placates.
  * “Shut up!” Roman yells, “It’s Thomas’s development years! Whoever goes away now will never, _ever_ have a part of Thomas!”
  * “We’re already part of Thomas,” Logan cuts in smoothly. “Nothing can change that.”
  * Virgil snorts, “ **You really believe that?”**
  * “Yes,” Logan says, “Why would I not believe sound logic? It would defy all...me.”
  * Virgil slinks around the room, like a cat, “ **Well....”** He says, like he normally does right before he gives a barrage of anxiety to the rest of them. Dee doesn’t think he does it on purpose, but it is annoying when Dee is telling Thomas to help himself, lie, cheat and Virgil’s voice drowns him out with fight, run, freeze.
  * “ **Well, there’s talk about what happens in the subconscious.”** Virgil says, “ **Those that go might come back... differently.”**
  * “There’s nothing in the subconscious,” Dee counters, rubbing his eyes boredly. “But if there was, its not like you’d be alone. Remember this is for the good of Thomas.”
  * None of them look convinced. None of them look happy.
  * They write their names down anyway.
  * “Did everyone write their own name?” Patton asks, lightly. They each show off their piece of paper: _Patton, Virgil, Remus, Logan, Dee, Remus._
  * “Roman,” Patton says.
  * The prince snarls at them. Remus just laughs.
  * “Nice try, Prince Charmless!” Remus tells him as they watch Roman fix the name.
  * “Go play in traffic.”
  * “That’s a bit of a dark thought for you, Roman! I’m so proud!”
  * Dee offers his hat to the rest of them. Patton and Logan’s go in easy. Remus laughs the whole way. Roman puts his in so heavily, Dee’s surprised that he didn’t drop the hat entirely. Virgil holds on to his for another moment, twisting it between his fingers.
  * “ **I’m not** **bad** ,” He says suddenly. “ **I -- I don’t** **t** ry to be bad!”
  * “Put your name in the hat, Hissy fit.” Roman snaps.
  * Virgil and Dee’s go in last. Dee shakes the hat and tries not to feel guilty.
  * “So we’re all in agreement here,” Patton says as Dee shuffles the hat.
  * “The names that get pulled, will agree to separate from Thomas and be downsized to their primary functions until Thomas reaches age twenty five.”
  * Dee tries to think of the last time they all agreed on something.
  * He doesn’t think they ever have.
  * A door appears at the end of Patton’s words: a new door to a new place and it smells like ice. Its yellow and they all know that Thomas hates the color yellow. A step back from all of them.
  * The floor groans and creaks under their feet.
  * “For Thomas.” Dee says, with much more confidence than he feels.
  * The room is silent as his fingers twitch into the hat. 
  * Dee’s thoughts are not. 
  * He knows what he’s doing. He’s the light green side. He’s Self Preservation.
  * _Remus._
  * “Awwww man!” Remus whines, throwing his head back. “This sucks more than Kaylee’s Boyfr--”
  * “We get it!” Roman interrupts him, “Now go away!” 
  * “You’re going to miss me, dear brother!” Remus says.
  * “Fat chance.” But he doesn’t sound so sure.
  * Remus walks towards the yellow door laughing all the way. Dee doesn’t know if the other realize how terrified he sounds. 
  * “See you suckers in 13 years!” Remus calls behind him.
  * “Wait- Remus--” Roman says.
  * But embodiment of Impulsive, intrusive, unwanted thoughts is already gone through the doorway into the swirling terrible darkness beyond it.
  * Roman swears.
  * “Thomas’s mother has told us not to repeat those words.” Logan says, just an octave too high. He turns back to the five of them remaining, “See, without me there would be no one to reign in the rest of you! I’m far too important!”
  * “ **You’re too important?”** Virgil snaps, “ **What about me? About Pat?”**
  * “Thomas needs me!” Logan insists desperately, “More than he needs silly emotions or unwelcome panic!”
  * “Lets not fight--”
  * “I’ll show you unwelcome panic--”
  * “No one side is more important than the others!” Patton yells. He’s sobbing, sobbing so heavily its making the cracks in the walls deepen.
  * “I don’t wanna do this!” Roman says, hugging himself. “I take it back! Give me my name back!”
  * And he lunges for the hat. 
  * But Dee is Self Preservation. He’s light on his feet, agile, quick.
  * He’s stepping to the side and Roman’s stumbling past him, in his white and red. And Dee’s light green glove is grabbing the next name
  * (The only name, _that name_ )
  * _Virgil_
  * “No! Nono **nono no!”** The purple side yells. “ **I’m not Bad for Thomas!”**
  * None of the other believe him. They haven’t for a long time.
  * “ **I’ll be be** tter,” Virgil says brokenly. “please.”
  * Patton’s mouth is covered with his own hands, and his choking on his own wet sobs. Logan’s hugging himself.
  * Dee thinks he can almost hear Logan’s thoughts _at least its not me, at least its not me at least its not me._
  * “Please!” Virgil screams at them. But the vote is binding: his feet are dragging on the floor, his jacket being sucked towards the open yellow door like its a black hole and Virgil is the only thing caught in the suction. 
  * Virgil blinks at them, his eyeshadow leaky black tears, and he lunges forward for a side, any side to anchor him.
  * And Dee is the closest, and he should have moved but he didn’t.
  * His hat falls to the ground when Virgil jerks on his forearm and it showers tiny little slips of paper all around them: _Remus, Virgil, Patton, Patton, Virgil, Patton, Remus, Virgil, Remus--_
  * “Thats--” Roman scrambles back from the papers, from Dee and Virgil, from all of them.
  * Patton looks faint, Dee thinks, maybe a little hilariously. 
  * He’s self preservation after all. The light green side. The side that always looks out of his own best interest.
  * “You rigged the vote,” Logan says, “Cheating.”
  * “It was for Thomas,” Dee says.
  * But its a lie.
  * Because Thomas would be fine no matter which three were left.
  * Dee is self preservation and he’s selfish and he doesn’t want to give up his own place either. He’s the light green side.
  * Virgil clings to him with razor nails biting into his skin. His feet slip off the ground now yanked and jerked towards the door and his fingers claw down Dee’s arm, stretching the fabric of his sleeve and then he’s--
  * “You son of a--” Virgil screams
  * And then he’s gone.
  * Through the door, in the dark swirling mist.
  * And all sounds of him are gone.
  * All signs of him are gone.
  * Roman’s sword appears out of the air and its pointed at Dee, freshly sharpened, freshly new, freshly waiting for the taste of blood.
  * “You’re a liar and a cheater, Dee!” Roman says, “You might as well be called _**Deceit**_!”
  * And doesn’t that just _sting_ a little, doesn’t that just _hurt_ a little! When Dee had never been planning to pick Roman’s name? When Dee had never put thoughtful creation on the line? When Dee had chosen to remove Roman’s biggest antagonist instead of him?
  * Oh Dee thinks that’s _completely_ right and just.
  * _not at all_ unfair and cruel.
  * His eye twitches, actually its been itching for a while now, and he just can’t seem to figure out what the issue with it is. His mouth opens.
  * Patton, Logan, Roman step back before he’s even said a word. 
  * The Mindscape is shaking, Dee can see the cracks around them growing and yet there’s more horror in the three’s faces when they’re turned towards him. Roman’s sword tip dips as his eyes go wide. 
  * He takes a step towards them, takes a step, takes a--
  * And the ground makes a horrible terrible cracking sounds, the walls of the room shudder and Dee sees it coming like an eel in the water:
  * the final crack
  * The largest yet
  * And it slices through the floor between the ground.
  * Dee is self preservation so he throws himself backwards, away from the growing gaping gorge. And he lands just a foot shy of the yellow door.
  * The other three are grouped tightly together, staring at him.
  * So far away, too far. 
  * A leap and a bound and a life.
  * The Mindscape is dissolving.
  * This _certainly_ isn’t going to hurt Thomas.
  * and Dee _definitely_ doesn’t care about him _at all._
  * That’s why he knows what needs to happen. That’s why his hand reaches up and grabs the door ruefully.
  * That’s why he notices his gloved fingers match the color of the door.
  * He’s not the light green side anymore.
  * The ground, the Mindscape, bulks and jerks and shakes
  * And Dee--
  * Well he’s not exactly Self Preservation anymore, is he?
  * He falls backwards right through that doorway into the subconscious.
  * But that’s okay. He said it himself hadn’t he?
  * _There’s nothing in the subconscious_. And _he’s not alone down there._
  * He itches his eye again as he peers around the cool dark silence he’s been dropped in. There’s no sign of Virgil or Remus down here. No sign of the floor or walls or anything other than shadows that inch away from Dee’s own Chartreuse glow. 
  * ((its not going to stay chartreuse though. Even now he can see the more golden hues brightening))
  * (((And Thomas just _loves_ gold)
  * So he itches his eye and keeps itching as he walks and he says he feels guilty
  * but that’s a lie
  * The End of the world starts when Thomas is Twelve and Dee becomes the yellow side, the side of Deceit after he splits the Mindscape in half.




End file.
